F.A.I.L.

Working with kids has taught me that they can make a lifelong decision about themselves in about three seconds.

They miss a catch, stumble on a jump, or struggle with a new movement, and immediately say, “I can’t do it.” Not, “I didn’t do it that time.” Not, “That was harder than I expected.” They go straight to “I can’t.”

It happens all the time during PE. I introduce a new skill, demonstrate it, and then let the kids practice. Within the first few attempts, someone will throw their hands up and decide they are incapable of doing it. Sometimes they haven’t even given themselves enough time to understand what they are supposed to do.

My response is usually pretty simple: “You can’t do it yet.” (Emphasis on the “yet,” Andrew.) “Now try again.”

I try not to overwhelm them with five different corrections. I give them one thing to focus on and ask them to try again. Maybe they need to keep their eyes on the ball, bend their knees before they jump, or slow down enough to control the movement. The second attempt is not always successful, but it is almost always better. More importantly, they learn that the first attempt was not the final answer.

The funny thing is, adults do exactly the same thing. We are just much better at hiding it.

At Heyday, I see people turn a single missed lift, a difficult workout, or an awkward attempt at a new skill into proof that they are weak, unathletic, or falling behind. They try a pull-up and cannot get their chin above the bar. They kick up into a handstand and immediately come back down. They add weight to the bar, miss the lift, and start questioning whether they should have attempted it at all.

It wasn’t proof of anything. It was just one rep.

The first attempt is allowed to be ugly. In fact, it should be. When a coach teaches, they’re not just teaching a skill; they are creating a problem you have to solve. That’s why the coach is teaching it to you. You’re not supposed to get it on the first try. If you do, the coach will teach you something that provides a greater challenge.

It’s funny—when someone lacks confidence, the advice they usually hear is, “Believe in yourself and be confident.” That’s not how confidence works. Someone has to feel supported enough to attempt a difficult task or challenge. This is where the coach comes in. The coach provides support, but the athlete still has to face their fears and perform the task. Whether they succeed or fail, the coach, parent, or friend is there for them. That support gives them the confidence to try again.

Teaching someone that failing is okay, but quitting is not, is a major part of helping them become confident in themselves.

Whether you’re an adult stepping into a gym for the first time or an experienced athlete learning a new skill, your first attempt is not your identity. Do not turn one difficult moment into a permanent conclusion about yourself. That’s what I always tell my kids: the glass is always half full. You may not control everything, but you almost always have the power to change your circumstances.

Listen to the feedback, make one adjustment, and try again. You might be surprised by what happens next.

Remember what F.A.I.L. actually means: First Attempt In Learning. spt