This month marks the 30th anniversary of my marriage to Carolyn.

Together, and with God’s grace, we have built the life we have dreamt of and worked for together. Our goal was to always live at or below our means so that we could afford to spend time taking our family to special places, trips, concerts, or just to the movies. In the end, the things we remember the most about our loved ones are not the big accomplishments in life, but rather the quiet, special times we spent together.

As we embark on our 30th wedding anniversary on October 16, I remember when I first met Carolyn. I was in the ninth grade, and she was in the fifth. At the time, I became friends with her older sister, Beth; we went to high school together and hung out with the same group of friends.

To me, Carolyn was always just Beth’s kid sister. It wasn’t until Carolyn and I started to work together at Vons, now Sprouts on Western, that we became good friends. She was 16, and I was 20. Not long after, I transferred to the Vons in Diamond Bar to work while I attended Cal Poly Pomona.

I never thought anything of it — we were always just good friends and spent time together when I came home for the holidays or on some weekends. Before I left, I was working graveyard with her boyfriend at the time. As we were stocking shelves, he was telling about other girls he was meeting. As he kept talking, I had had enough and said, “If you don’t stop doing what you are doing, I am going to take her from you!” I didn’t mean it. I just I said it. Little did I know how the future would turn out.

Fast forward a couple of years. I was attending our friend’s wedding reception at the Elks back in ‘88 and brought my college girlfriend. She knew about Carolyn but never met her until this night. I knew that she was somewhat jealous of Carolyn and our relationship, but I didn’t know how deep this jealousy was until we left the wedding.

On the way out, I noticed Carolyn giving me a certain look because we hadn’t talked all night. As I walked by, I wrapped my arms around her from behind and said, “You can’t stay mad at me,” and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Someone captured that moment in a photo which hangs on our wall today. Once I left with my girlfriend, she was upset and said, “One day, you are going to marry her!” I laughed and said, “Carolyn? She’s just my kid sister.” The drive back to Diamond Bar was quiet.

By the time I graduated from Cal Poly, we were both single and were spending a lot of time together. So, one night we parked against the rail on Paseo looking toward Catalina, long before the sidewalk was there, and I said, “If I try and kiss you, will you hit me?” She said, “Why don’t you try and see what happens.”

As time went on, we built a tremendous amount of respect and trust for each other, but for me, the love part of the equation was missing. We were at a point in our relationship where we decided to date other people. It was the best decision we ever made. Love came last, and the rest is history.

The best advice I have given our boys, their friends, or anyone who asks about our relationship is this, “Marry your best friend. Make sure that you have respect, trust, and love for each other, in that order. Without one of the three, your relationship will not last.”

Our 30 years of marriage and over 40 years of knowing each other has been the best part of our life’s journey. I tell Carolyn often that she is my gift from God, and she reiterates that back to me. Although 30 years seems like a long time, it still feels like yesterday when were married at Mary Star. Happy 30th, Carolyn — I love you! Fifty more to go! spt